6 weeks along

Every night when I lay down in bed I compose a post about our day... whats working, what I'm struggling with, what I'm hoping I'll figure out soon... but then in the morning, or whenever it is that I have a chance to write my mind is blank. 

Little Q is 6 weeks old. He is growing like a little weed - gained just under 5 lbs in 5 weeks! He is a champion nurser, and has even started taking a bottle with pumped milk from daddy or grandma so that I can catch a few extra zzzz's every so often. 

So many of the things that I think about are things that I'm not sure I am ready to write about, and I am confident that they will pass with time. Its all stuff about the donor and bonding. Stuff that is not in the forefront of my thinking, but is there, everyday, nonetheless. 

Yesterday I'd invited all of the moms from our parents class over for the afternoon. It was really nice to have company and other new moms to talk about new mom stuff with. Most of them had shared in class that they got pregnant the first month they tried. I finally divulged yesterday that we used IVF to conceive Q. I am always surprised at how little people know about the IVF process. Later in the conversation one of the moms asked if Q looked more like me or ML. I paused and thought about sharing the details of Q's conception, but didn't. I just replied, as I always do, that I think that he just looks like Q. Its been a very effective way at deflecting the question, which actually comes up much less often than I thought it would. 

I'd been planning to go to a postpartum support group this morning, but baby Q is napping and I am afraid to wake him... and even when he does wake if will take me 20 minutes to nurse him and another 20 to drive across town, at which point the group will be half over. Meh.

Sleep remains an issue, more for me than for Q. He is actually doing a pretty stellar job at sleeping thru the night. And by that I mean waking to nurse every 2-3 hours. I am up (out of bed) with him a few nights a week between 4-5 am, but have always been able to get him back to sleep. He starts the night in his swing, which helps me get to sleep alone, and then moves into our bed for his first nursing of the night. I wish that I could ask ML to take him away for the morning feeding before he leaves for work, but I know that he is just as tired as I am and under quite a bit of stress already. I am having such a hard time sleeping when our little guy is asleep. His little noises keep me awake at night, and I find myself laying in bed awake, thinking, more often than I'd like. 

This is really hard work.

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4 comments :

Emms said...

It gets easier once you figure out what works for you! I didn't sleep any better until,bug was in her crib in her own room because of all those noises. Good luck!

Lauren said...

I remember posting when Noah was a newborn about how nights are the hardest. Noah was getting to be a slightly better sleeper, but I couldn't sleep. I loved being a mommy, but the nights were hard. Very hard. You're all alone in the dark with your thoughts, just lying there trying to get the sleep you so desperately need, and things feel very strange. And not in a good way.

It gets better!

Stephanie said...

Nights can be hard so you are definitely not alone. It sounds like you already have a bit of a routine down, and I bet in the next few weeks it will get a little easier progressively. Hang in there!

Rach said...

Sometimes I'd leave my husband in charge and pop in some ear plugs and get a really good 3-4 hour nap. I felt so much better and refreshed afterwards.

The first 3 months are the hardest for sure but sounds like you are doing great!

 

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