Baby Q cries a lot. 

Most of my day is spent transitioning from one soothing strategy to another. ML and I have even wondered aloud "why doesn't he like us?" We try so hard to make him happy, but he just isn't. 

He does have a few periods of each day where he is awake and alert. There is about 30-40 minutes in the morning just after we wake up. and when I'm lucky well have a few other 5-10 minute periods of alert. 

He is generally calm while i am nursing him, which might help explain his extraordinary weight gain of 5 lbs in 5 weeks... the boob is my 'go-to' solution, so Q eats A LOT! 

I know that all babies cry. and I just figured that our is on the fussier side. I figure that its my job to keep trying to make him happy, and that eventually he will outgrow it. but sometimes I wonder if maybe there is something wrong with him. and then yesterday my mom, who knows a lot about babies, said that he thinks we should make an appointment with the pediatrician. She thinks that maybe he is suffering from reflux, or that there is some other reason that he cries so much.  

The things that worry me are: 
- the way that he will be so upset while I am holding him and then stop crying when I set him down (sometimes). 
- the way that he struggles so hard every morning, kicking is legs, and making grunting noises.
- the way that when you hold him, he doesn't cuddle.
- the way that he is so dependent on white noise to soothe.

The other thing that both worries me, and at the same time I know will happen with time, is that I don't have that feeling of being so 'in love' with my baby. I love him. I do. But most of the time it is more of a job than a labor of love to care for him. I am relieved to leave him in the arms of other people, and leaving the house without him is such a treat. When he is crying while someone else is holding him I am just glad to have a break - unlike so many other moms I know who can't help but run to get their baby. 

I felt better yesterday when my mom acknowledged that it is hard to fall in love with a baby who is so fussy. I know it will happen.

I am trying to figure out how to tell the pediatrician about Q. This is all I know. And all I can compare to is what I hear other moms talking about. Its not like he cries when I put him down - I hold or wear him almost all day long. And its not like anything I do consistently helps him stop fussing. We do spend a lot of time bouncing on the big exercise ball - that seems to be effective, when combined with a swaddle, and white noise, and pacifier. I felt pretty lame calling to make an appointment, saying I need to see the dr because my baby cries a lot. But maybe if he can help us figure out how to help baby Q be happier, it will totally be worth it. 

Regardless of what we figure out at the pediatrician, I am going to hire someone to come over and help me a few days a week. Knowing that I'll have someone to hand him off to for a couple hours will keep me sane - and hopefully help me get a little extra sleep.

six weeks old



Haidee said...

http://maybebabyormaybetheloonybin.blogspot.co.nz/2011/12/love-at-first-sight-another-myth.html - I wrote a blog post about the love at first sight thing which you might find helpful hun!

Stephanie said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a bit of a rough time with him, but it makes sense that it would be hard to feel as connected or in love with your baby if it seemed nothing you did make him feel better. I hope the doctor can help you out, I wouldn't feel bad at all about going in. It just shows how good of a mother you are being proactive!

Annie said...

I feel like you are describing my son! He is now 10 months and a cheerful, wonderful little guy I love more than anything. I recommend the fussy baby book, it makes you realize that your baby is a normal, high needs baby. My guy also got huge because I breastfed him to keep him happy. A pacifier that we introduced at 6 weeks helped, but I just want you to know you will get through it, it's normal, and in a fee months you will love him more than words can describe.

Lauren said...

I can't relate to everything you've posted (although I know many can), but I have experience and/or have friends who've had experience with many of those things. For example:

-Babies that age? They aren't that cuddly. They're gaining a little more muscle control, and they squirm away from you a lot.

-Babies that age? They are fussy. A lot of the time. It sounds like Q is fussier than the average baby, but still probably quite "normal". My friend across the street? Her baby screamed constantly from 1 week until 11 weeks. It was awful. We got together every few days and I hated it, but she needed company while her baby screamed.

-Being dependent on white noise to help soothe is totally acceptable at 6 weeks old. It's totally acceptable until about 3 months, actually. And we used it for a long time after that. I often had to eat dinner while wearing Noah in the wrap, bouncing around, and vacuuming. And he wasn't even THAT fussy of a baby. It's just the way babies are.

-Some babies love to be held, and sometimes they need a break from being held. My friend has a baby who doesn't really love to be held, she just loves to lie on her back and have tons of freedom to kick and flail around. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong, it's just a personality thing.

-The grunting? Oh my gosh, Noah was the BIGGEST squirmer and grunter. Everyone who saw him, even people who had had 4 or 5 kids, they would all laugh hysterically because he constantly acted like he was REALLY uncomfortable, and his grunting was SO LOUD. It was ridiculous. I always thought he must be gassy, but nothing I ever did helped.

I think that I would agree that it can be hard to fall in love with a fussy baby. And being by yourself all day long with a fussy baby really sucks. The age Q is at now was probably my least favourite age with Noah. I have several videos of Noah swaddled, swinging in his swing, awake, grunting and whining. And my voice is saying "Noah is 6.5 weeks old. And this is pretty much what he's like all. the. time. Just not very happy."

And like I said, he was not nearly as bad as some babies. So I feel for you!!

It gets better. I promise.

Stefany said...

You are describing my first son! Have you tried eliminating dairy from YOUR diet? It made a huge difference....very difficult, but if nursing is important to you, may be something to try. Usually takes about 48 hours to see a difference. Good luck!

Unknown said...

Big hugs, sweetheart. Babies are tricksy little things. Unfortunately, some of them don't like to be held, or have to be held so they can see everything. Keep trying different things. You'll find it. I can imagine that you just want to snuggle with your precious gift, so you're feeling like he hates you, when he doesn't, I promise!

As for how you're feeling, I'm no doctor, but I think you should discuss with yours at a follow up appointment. It is normal to feel some of these feelings, but as someone that suffered with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety for six months without diagnosis, I encourage anyone that might be confused about their feelings in any way to reach out.

You're doing a great job. How do I know this, I'm just a stranger sent here to show you some encouragement by a friend (A great friend, by the way). I know this because you care enough to worry aloud and ask for help. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to feel disconnected. It's ok to be grumpy and frustrated. They leave all of that stuff out if the parenting books, take care of yourself and you'll be the best mama you can be to that cutie.

story girl said...

It is so hard. My daughter cried a lot too, and she nursed a lot too. We would nurse off and on for hours because it was the only thing that helped. White noise is good. For us? Swaddling was good. Baby wearing was good.

But ultimately? Babies cry. And it sucks. And I want to tell you not to take it personally, but of course you take it personally. This is your baby. And if talking to the pediatrician makes you feel better about it, DO IT. That's why they're there. And I agree with Lindsay too. What you're feeling is real. You are frustrated and scared because being a new mom is frustrating and scary. But if it's dark and hard where you are, there may be help. There may be a better.

Smldada said...

Having a newborn is definitely hard work. Sleep deprived, hormone shifting, oops I haven't eaten at all today hard work. My dd2 is 8 months old. Luckily, she seemed a happy go lucky baby from her first chill moments. And them we hit about 3-4 weeks and she started inconsolably crying. By 4-5 weeks, she was losing her mind from about 7-11 pm every single night, no matter what I did. I rocked, I shushed, I bounced, I wore, I cried right along with her. There were also times she would push away from nursing, wake from a dead sleep writhing in pain even upright in her swing. We tried Milcon gas drops at the ped's suggestion, but it didn't much help. We started Zantac and I got my baby back.

It is so hard to not take her cries personally sometimes. Sometimes it's all I can do to remind myself that she is not a manipulative being out to destroy me. Definitely talk to your dr and to te ped.

For 9 months, your little one was in a very noisy environment: your heartbeat, digestive noises and breathing kept up a constant symphony. Needing noise on the outside is all that she knows, it's comforting.

Baby rabies did a great piece this week on taking off the mom armor. We don't do ourselves or anyone else any favors when we only talk about how perfect things are. We need to be a shoulder and a sounding board. Someone needs to talk about how to cope with a child who does not sleep more than 2 hours around the clock from 6-15 months. How to recognize tat you are about to lse that last straw of sanity.

Rach said...

He is adorable!

I think it is a good idea talk to the Dr just to rule out that he is in any pain (reflux, etc.)

It does take a little time to figure the little ones out! I remember a couple times where I just let Ava cry in her crib for 20 minutes just so I could sit and regroup. Heck, sometimes I cried right along with her, lol. It does have it's ups and downs but things do get easier.

Glad you are posting!!

Marianne said...

Umm I could have written this post.

We took her to urgent care last night ad she was dx with reflux so we have started zantac. Her grunting was getting worse and louder and she began to cry through feeds. I hope it helps.
Definitely check with the pediatrician!

Amber said...

I actually have learned to despise the women who describe parenthood as absolutely amazing and the best thing ever. They talk about this love at first sight which I did not experience AT ALL. I had a lot of regret about even having her for the first 2 months solid. And it still creeps back now and then. Parenting is hard. Those people are just fooling themselves. But hang in there because it honestly gets SO much better when the little one starts interacting more and stops crying as much.

Julie said...

It really is crazy hard. Cate didn't cry all the time, but did scream every night for about 3 hours for about 3 months. Nothing we did calmed her.

Talk to the pediatrician. And remember, you have a whole bunch of us here if you need something!

Miss Mac said...

A blog friend recommended "the Happiest Baby on the Block" book and it is full of strategies for fussy babies- the bouncing ball is one of them. We keep an extra hair dryer at the changing table for those changing-while-hungry cries. The bulk of the book is doing the 5 "s" quickly- swaddle, hold them on their side or stomach, make a loud "shhh" noise close to their ear, get some type of quick side to side or up and down jiggly movement going and then use the pacifier for soothing. There's probably someone demonstrating it on youtube. And then again, there may be lots of babies where this is not a solution or it only provides some quick relief. You are right to call the pedi and get help from friends and family. I hope it gets better! Parenting is kicking my tail and we lucked out as far as crying! Everyone says "it gets better" and that the first months are some of the hardest so we just have to hang in there! Looks so content and cute for the 6 week pose:] Crying is all they know to communicate so maybe you just have a baby that wants to talk now! Hang in there, you are doing the right things!

Crabby Apple Seed: said...

I can't find a way to reply without replying directly to a comment, but I had to say something, because I could have written this three years ago. My daughter was even born in December! She did every. single. thing. you are describing, down to the first stretch of sleep in the swing, the lack of nuzzling, etc.

it sucked so much. I cried a lot. It got better.

Getting the frustrating news out of the way first, it took my girl six months to stop screaming all the time. That is the ONLY frustrating news, though. She DID become a very laidback, albeit serious, baby from there. Rarely crying (even to this day), interactive, smiley, and happy. I swear. We also went the GERD route and tried Prevacid- I'm not really sure how much it helped, but it made us feel like we were doing something.

She also did not smile easily or cuddle much, and she was also late to start talking- all things which worried me IMMENSELY. At three, she never stops talking, is goofy/silly/laughs all the time, and crawls into our laps constantly. she loves other kids her age. She is, I can assure you, in case the worry has crossed your mind- ENTIRELY normal.

the only other parent-to-a-fussy-baby hack I have is the bathroom- she loooved the bathroom so much, we ended up spending every evening with her lying on the floor in there. I took more pictures in there than I can count, because it was the only place she would smile!

I've never even seen your blog before (I can't even remember how I got here today, it's like a stream of consciousness, lol), but regardless, I am so sorry he's giving you a hard time, especially after you clearly had a long road to get him. I know you are probably sick of hearing this, but it WILL get better.


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