back to work thoughts

I think we'll keep him.
Seriously though, these first few months have been hard.
This kid tested us and really made us rise to the challenge of being his parents.
I felt so disconnected from my son, but had faith that time would bring us closer. And it has.
It was all so different than I expected, and I thought that I was pretty well informed.

So, I joke and say, I think we'll keep him, but really, there were many times I wondered what we had done by bringing a baby into our home. Seeing so many other people talk about how great and wonderful and in love they were with their newborn just made me jealous and a little sad.

And now, just as we are finally getting to know one another, and just as I am figuring out how to read the subtle signs that tell me what my baby needs, I am headed back to work.  Its a bit of a bummer.

To make it all more confusing, I really miss my job. I miss my work. I miss the people. I miss the challenge and the strategy and the feeling of accomplishment. There are so many projects that were just left hanging when I left and I can't wait to pick them up and get them going again. I believe in the importance of my work and know that I can do what needs to be done.

I'd planned on starting back at 20 hours per week, for a transition period, and then building back up to my full 40 hours. Smart plan. But now I can't imagine working a 40 hour work week and being away from my little dude for so many hours.

One the other hand, I am SO beyond grateful to have a job waiting for me. I am SO beyond grateful to have health benefits for our family. I am SO beyond grateful that I've had the chance to spend these first three months at home. Going back to work - be it for 20 hours or 40 hours - really isn't something that I feel I should be complaining about AT ALL.

I am trying to stay calm and flexible about the return to work.
Accepting it for what it is.
Knowing that everything will work itself out for the best.



Amber said...

You can read over my posts from when Paisley was born and see that I wasn't head-over-heels for her either. In fact, I regretted the decision to have a baby many times and missed my previous life ALOT. Each month got easier and better and now I really do adore her. Honesty is so much better for all of us, I'm glad you didn't try to sugarcoat this!

Lauren said...

I'm glad you are feeling like you want to keep him:)

Marianne said...

It is hard returning to work - I went back when she was 10 weeks - but it's not hideous. After a week or so you'll get back in the swing of things. Xoxo

Emms said...

I'm glad things are getting better! I can't believe that it's time for you to go back to work already, where did the time go?! Yikes!

Jessica White said...

I remember feeling that way with our first...the "Oh my what did we do?!"

Glad things are getting smoother.

Augusta said...

It seems so soon to get back to work. But it sounds like it might be good for everyone. Wishing you a very smooth transition, Foxy.

Faith said...

Hey hun, thank you for your comment about my article. I am so honored that people are finding their stories somewhere in my words. Your little guy is ADORABLE! I am so glad that bonding is going well now - it is such a process which is something moms don't always talk about! Don't worry - you'll figure it out when you go back to work, you'll just know what feels right. Don't let mommy guilt guide your decisions:).

S.I.F. said...

Wanting to keep him now is probably a good sign! :) Hope the transition back to work goes smoothly.


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