Resiliancy

I've been working hard to build my resiliancy so that I am prepared for the road ahead of us. I think that I am generally a happy positive person. I like to have fun, I smile a lot, I try to always see the best in people. I've had periods of my life where anxiety and depression took over, but I've always bounced back. 

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines resilience as:

1 : the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress2 : an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change

I've always thought about resiliancy being like a rubber band that is stretched but then snaps back to normal. The thing is that its hard to snap back when other things keep stretching me, and the things that are stretching me are changing my original shape. It also feels like rather than an acute 'snap', it is a long slow process. I am resilient, but it has become a constant state of being that requires my constant attention. 

Mayo Clinic's website lists the following tips to improve resilience. 

Working on your mental well-being is just as important as working on your physical health. If you want to strengthen your resilience, try these tips:

• Get connected. Build strong, positive relationships with family and friends, who provide support and acceptance. Volunteer, get involved in your community, or join a faith or spiritual community.

• Find meaning. Develop a sense of purpose for your life. Having something meaningful to focus on can help you share emotions, feel gratitude and experience an enhanced sense of well-being.
• Start laughing. Finding humor in stressful situations doesn't mean you're in denial. Humor is a helpful coping mechanism. If you can't find any humor in a situation, turn to other sources for a laugh, such as a funny book or movie.
• Learn from experience. Think back on how you've coped with hardships in the past. Build on skills and strategies that helped you through the rough times, and don't repeat those that didn't help.
• Remain hopeful. You can't change what's happened in the past, but you can always look toward the future. Find something in each day that signals a change for the better. Expect good results.
• Take care of yourself. Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally. This includes participating in activities and hobbies you enjoy, exercising regularly, getting plenty of sleep and eating well.
• Keep a journal. Write about your experiences, thoughts and feelings. Journaling can help you experience strong emotions you may otherwise be afraid to unleash. It also can help you see situations in a new way and help you identify patterns in your behavior and reactions.
• Accept and anticipate change. Expecting changes to occur makes it easier to adapt to them, tolerate them and even welcome them. With practice, you can learn to be more flexible and not view change with as much anxiety.
• Work toward a goal. Do something every day that gives you a sense of accomplishment. Even small, everyday goals are important. Having goals helps you look toward the future.
• Take action. Don't just wish your problems would go away or try to ignore them. Instead, figure out what needs to be done, make a plan and take action.
• Maintain perspective. Look at your situation in the larger context of your own life and of the world. Keep a long-term perspective and know that your situation can improve if you actively work at it.
• Practice stress management and relaxation techniques. Restore an inner sense of peace and calm by practicing such stress-management and relaxation techniques as yoga, meditation, deep breathing, visualization, imagery, prayer or muscle relaxation.

I have what I call my Toolkit. All the things that I have in place to support me and help me get through this journey.

• My lover and our communication with each other.
• This blog journal and the wonders of writing.
• My sister, mom, and bestie who know everything and love me so much.
• This online community and the ability to read your stories and know that I am not alone.
• My happy pills.
• My wonderful therapist.
• My emergency happy pills for especially trying times.
• The Resolve group I recently found.
• Nail polish to keep my fingers and toes beautiful.
• Pilates - that I really need to go to more often.
• Permission to cancel any plans at any time for any reason.
• A boss who is supportive and understanding.
• A job that is rewarding and challenging and flexible and has meaning.
• my puppy and kitty who are so soft and cuddly.

I also have so much to be grateful for. So much. No matter how low I feel, I always come back to the many things that I have to be thankful for. And while I think that having that perspective is important, I feel like it is important to experience the feelings that I am having at any point on this journey. There is a balance. The feelings I am having are real and valid, and I want to honor them. However I don't want to take for granted any of the many wonderful things in my life. 

One of the most wonderful things in my life is my bestie. I met her when we were in second grade. Our family moved in to the house next door to her. I 'met' her as she was escaping through her bedroom window. We became best buddies that day and have been besties ever since. I LOVE her and I LOVE her family and they LOVE me. She kept me company yesterday while I wallowed on the couch. Her adorable little daughter flirted with me and offered me so many sweet hugs.  She is a wonderful mom and I love being around her and her babe. I want to tell her about this blog, but I am hesitant to open it up to others in my real life. ML is the only one who reads it, but in the spirit of strengthening my support system, I think it could be a good thing.  I almost told her yesterday, but stopped. What do you think?

For the time being, this someecard says it all:

(check out Katie's post for more postcards, and a good laugh.)