Miracle for me?

Sperm takes about three months to produce. ML has been on the FSH therapy for nearly 3 months now. The UR gave us a 50% chance of the FSH resulting in enough sperm for ISCI. I don't think that the FSH is actually going to work, but at the same time I have a secret hope that it will work so well that it will completely restore his sperm production and I'll have a surprise pregnancy. Its not likely, but it's what I want. The UR said that our case of late stage maturation arrest is so rare that he has only seen a few in his entire career. So really, the UR doesn't know what's going to happen. He can tell us that there is a 50% chance of the FSH working, He can tell us that even if it does work there will probably not be enough sperm to spill into the ejaculate, He can tell us that its going to be sunny on September 17th. He doesn't know.

I started my cycle today. Following the shortest cycle ever at 24 days. I am a very consistent 28 day cycle with ovulation on days 13-15.

Once before we were really trying, but after we'd quit really preventing, I had a 35 day cycle. I would have sworn that I had a chemical pg that month, until we got the azoos diagnosis, that is. I actually took a pg test after my period started. We jumped in the shower, I took the test and set it outside of the shower so that we could get the results together. That was my first pg test.

You always hear about women who swear that they had their period while they were pregnant. I admit that I watch all those TLV shows, and i just didn't / don't believe that my period is a sure sign that there is nothing else going on up in my belly. Azoos, on the other hand, is pretty definite in my mind. Since the Azoos diagnosis I have no doubt that there is nothing going on up in my belly.

So anyways. I started early today. and I have a secret hope that the FSH is going to work wonders. So maybe, just maybe, this is not my cycle, but instead its one of those pretend cycles that pg girls get. Maybe, just maybe, there could maybe be something going on up in my belly.  You think?

I don't believe it enough to do anything about it, like take a pg test or anything. But I do like thought, and I do like the hope.

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4 comments :

Anonymous said...

It's always good to have hope. I used to say that I had no hope left, but that wasn't true. If it was, I wouldn't have peed on any HPTs (ever). I wouldn't have looked at the calendar, wondering why my periods were late. I wouldn't run to the bathroom every ten minutes to check and see what was going on. We all have hope, and that's a good thing. You should. There isn't a 0% chance. You can still have a miracle. It's happened to others. It could happen to you.

<3

ultimatejourney said...

Oh, that hope is so tricky! The cycle we got the azoos diagnosis, I kept hoping it was a lab mistake and I'd really end up being pg. No, and no.

That said, you actually have reason to be hopeful. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

Anonymous said...

I'll be holding out hope for you too! And I love your blog design. It's so happy and pink!

Kakunaa said...

Hey lady!! Just added you :) As for those links...I definitely have to update the page with the new links. Apparently Resolve.org changed their site around ... here is the link to the Family and Friends site: http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/

I will be back to check in on you :) Thank you for all the wonderful comments. I can't wait to read more of your blog, as soon as I get caught up on some things...

HUGS!!!

 

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