How Are You?

I found the Momastary blog after reading 'Love Warrior'. I loved Glennon's book and was desperate to consume more of her wisdom and beauty.

One of her posts from way back in 2014 includes a list of questions that you can ask a spouse instead of "How was Your Day?" I loved her contradictory complicated stream of consciousness response that remained unspoken when she was asked that question by her husband. It was so real.

I hate being asked "how are you?". It's such a fake loaded question.  No one who asks that question really wants to hear the real answer, especially if it is a complicated sad unfixable kind of answer. I have many of the same feelings about the 'When are you going to get pregnant?' question, and the 'you only have one?' question, but I hate lying so over the years I've had a whole set of different answers that I use to respond but deflect the question. Right now it is "I'm trying hard to focus on the things I am grateful for." It's not a lie, but it sure leaves the truth hidden safely away.

What I just realized reading Glennon's post is that I still ask people that same question - the question that I hate - "How Are You?" There are so many other questions that I could ask. I never thought about the fact that I am asking others to put on their mask and respond to me with some half-truth because we have all been taught how to answer that question in a way that makes the person asking feel good, regardless of the reality that you are experiencing. This week I am going to practice asking other questions and really being present to listen to the answers, starting at home.

For Work:
What are you working on?
Have you had any victories lately?
Do you have any exciting trips planned?

For Home:
What made you feel happy today?
Can I give you a hug?
What are you looking forward to today/tomorrow/ this week?

Language is indeed a gift.


1 comment :

Anonymous said...

Some of us are ok to hear the REAL answer to "How are you?" We are ok with a not so cheery answer because we also have hidden issues. We understand.


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