Regrets, Requests, Appreciations

AMENDS/REGRETS

I want to make amends for:

• holding so much anger feeling so much betrayal about your decision to drink again.
• the fact that you had to take on so much of little Fox's care responsibilities during the November IVF cycle and not picking back up the morning responsibilities because I felt like it was ‘getting back’ at you for all of the responsibilities I had during the first two years. 
• not being interested in intimacy, due to medication side effects, but also because of the feelings of betrayal that I carry.
• being so defensive about and not wanting to attend the Intensive Outpatient Hospital program. 
• Taking on volunteer commitments without consulting with you, given that they take time away from my role as a wife and mother.
• hiring household help without consulting with you about the type of help and who I hired.
• my lack of morning engagement. 

REQUESTS

I request that you:

• Be fully emotionally present for me by not drinking (or hiding your drinking) when we are together. 
• help find and participate in experiences as a a couple that will strengthen our relationship. 
• Give me space on a monthly basis to take care of myself by leaving for an overnight.
• Take time for yourself when you need to - biking, or visiting college friends, or overnighting somewhere without little Fox and I.

APPRECIATIONS

I appreciate that you:

• are so involved as a loving father. That you are fully engaged in raising little Fox.
• Have taken care of little Fox and I, and all our household responsibilities, since I got sick in March.
• are engaging in counseling with me, that you care about our marriage enough to talk through our issues.
• manage our household finances, pay monthly bills, do our taxes, handle most bank transactions, etc. 
• appreciate a clean and tidy house, and take on a large responsibility for the daily cleaning and tidying our home.
• recognize quality and care about quality in our life (touring Odyssey, original artwork, etc)
• are so smart - that you care to read/listen to the Economist, that you know about random things like a hat trick, know about political super delegates, 
• took me to the mountains at a moments notice last earlier this month when I needed to get away.
• Are the tech guru for our household.