36 weeks

How far along? 36 Weeks

How is Mommy Feeling? 

- Great! I really am feeling fantastic, loving every minute of these final weeks. 

- Overwhelmed with gratitude. I can't stop thinking about how incredible this whole experience has been, about how lucky ML and I are to be where we are right now. I am overwhelmed by all of the love that has been showered upon us, by my mom and sister, by Bestie and her sister and their families, by the people at work who have all been so wonderful and supportive, by everyone I encounter everyday who sees this as the miracle that it is.

- I did wake up last Friday feeling very emotional. Little things started irritating me. People at work started getting to me. My patience with HBear got very thin. I started worrying about things again. I cried for the first time in months. Week 35 marked the return of the emotional Foxy. 

- I have a long list of things that need to get done before the baby comes, but I am so tired and unmotivated. I'd be thrilled if my only responsibilities every day were to relax on the couch, listen to music, go for a walk, do some yoga, eat some food (that someone else makes), cuddle with ML, and chat with friends. 

- I realized last week that we were not at all prepared for the possibility of a hospital delivery. I am not opposed to going to the hospital if need be, or to any of the interventions that are available to us at the hospital if need be. I am however  very concerned about the rest of the 'standard' hospital procedures and protocol that we'd be subject to that are not necessarily necessary. I've started worrying about seemingly simple things like the hospital staff bathing our baby - which I know seems dumb, but I really don't want to happen. I'm desperately worried about being left alone in the event of a c-section, during the time that ML would have to change into scrubs or if he had to follow the baby to the nursery.  Stuff like that... We talked about my concerns with the midwives, and I wrote up a 'just in case' plan that we'll review at our check-up next week. I have so much confidence in being at home, but don't want to set myself up for panic if we end up transferring. It will feel so much better to know that my team is prepared to advocate for me, if need be. 

How is Daddy Feeling? 

- Daddy is working so hard to get this studio remodel finished. Instead of renting out rooms of our home, we will have a totally separate private studio apartment to rent out come January. He has done almost all of the work himself and it looks great. We stood admiring his craftsmanship the other night and talked about how we could be totally comfortable in the 250 sqft 1 bedroom studio. 

- Not necessarily a feeling, but I think it is important to acknowledge that ML has been to almost every single appointment leading up to this pregnancy and birth. I only attended one fertility appointment on my own (at which I fully fell apart in hysterics) and there was one pre-natal that he wasn't able to attend. He has been so involved every step of the way. 

- Regardless of his involvement, he has expressed feelings of being left out of the experience. We've watched some birth videos and where I see a beautiful family cuddled up together following a birth, he sees a mother and child with a father standing awkwardly to the side. 

- Acknowledging that this is part of our experience, I have to share a comment that our midwife made a couple weeks ago. She was feeling my stomach and inquired as to my birth weight, then asked ML about his birth weight. She was trying to get a sense for the size of this baby, and ML had to kindly remind her about the genetics of our child. He was calm and matter of fact, but it still stung. We get it that this is not the last time we'll hear that kind of comment, but I hate that people who are supposed to know are not more sensitive. My heart breaks again and again when I think about this, and I would do anything to protect ML from that pain, and also to protect our child from ignorance. I know that none of it is intentional, but it doesn't make it okay. 

- Not necessarily a daddy feeling, but I can't help but say again how much I love and adore this man. I just know that he is going to be the most incredible father, and I can't wait to experience parenthood with him. 

Total weight gain? 

- I only gained 2 more lbs this last month, up 45 to 200. 

ML has been complaining about needing to shed a few lbs, but I keep encouraging him to wait until I'm ready to join him so that we can lose weight together. Besides, I really don't want to outweigh him... 

Symptoms? 

- the list is getting longer! It seems that I feel heavier and tireder by the hour. 
- I had some fairly intense episodes of pain last Sunday. I'd spent the morning cleaning the house then went to help my grandma with her shopping chores. As I was walking thru the grocery store my stomach started feeling sharp cramp like pains. I hunched over the cart and continued on, moving at a snails pace. The pains stopped when I stopped, started again when I started moving again. I decided to cancel the rest of the day's activities and head home to rest. The midwives said that I need to take it easy and the pains were little warnings that I was overdoing it. 

- My ribcage still hurts, only on the right side, a muscular aching that is relieved by movement, laying on my back with ice, by the prescription lidocane patch, by a hot bath, and by massage deep in between the ribs. 

- My SI Joint has started becoming tender and painful. I'll get sharp pains in that section of lower back right where the sacrum connects to my pelvic bones if I lay flat on my back or when I roll over or when I try to stand up from laying. Yoga and the chiropractor seem to be helping, but it is complicating my strategies for dealing with the rib pain since the only position that the rib pain is relieved is when I lay flat on my back. 

- I''ve been going to pre-natal yoga at least once per week. There is a class at my moms parenting program on Wednesdays, another class offered at the yoga studio on Thursdays, and another class run by my chiropractor on Tuesdays. Between the three, I've been able to get one class in every week. It is great.

- The chiropractor has helped a lot with my rib pain, which is isolated to my right side, worse later in the day or when I've been sitting for too long. The prescription Lidocane patches have also been lifesavers. 

- Heartburn is a regular visitor. I haven't had any more 

- Night sweats is a new symptom, but pretty constant this past week. 

- My bladder continues to shrink, and my thirst continues to grow, leading to many visits to the toilet. Every so often the baby will move and jab at my bladder leaving me gasping and hoping that I retain bladder control. I've joked about needing to throw an extra pair of pant in my trunk - just in case!

- My hands and feet feel swollen, but apparently not enough to actually classify as swelling by the dr or midwife.

- The irritability is irritating. 

The Belly? 

- it keeps growing. My sister saw me yesterday after two days of not seeing me and swears that it grew again :)

- I love it. 

- We are going to paint it at the blessingway.

The Boobies?

- They keep growing too. I need to get a new bra that fits. I've resorted to wearing GAP maternity tanks with shelf bras the past few weeks. 

- The stretch marks are growing...

Big News this Week? 

- Instead of telling this baby to stick around, I am supposed to tell it that it is okay to come out. I've been pondering this change in thinking, not sure that I'm totally on board with it just yet. It makes sense to me, and I'm glad that it was brought up this early, because I hadn't realized how powerfully I'd internalized the feelings of keeping the baby safe inside me.  KerriK mentioned some audio meditations that I think will be very helpful. 

- I cut my hours at work back from 40 to 32. It doesn't seem like a huge difference, but if I've got to keep working it is making it so much more bearable. I'm trying hard to get things wrapped up before I go on leave, but my mind just isn't in it. I feel bad for 'checking out' early, but I think I have as decent an excuse as they come! (My boss has been great and very understanding, but the other lady I work closely with seems to be getting a little frustrated about it all.) 

- Bestie and my mama are planning my Blessingway for next weekend. It will be a small gathering of some of my closest women friends at our house. It is important to me that in addition to preparing for the birth, that we acknowledge the journey that led us here, and also find a way to honor ML. I gave them a few ideas about how to achieve all of those goals, but am still thinking about how I might want to incorporate all of these things into a blessingway event. 

- Ohhh, it is my Birthday month! I'll be 34 next Thursday! Its going to be an amazing year. 

love and hugs,