Maddy's death has shaken so many of us to our very core. It is all that anyone is talking about. We are confused, and upset, and angry, and scared. It is unimaginable.
BUT at the same time I made a very deliberate decision yesterday to let my baby go play down the street with some neighborhood kids (including girls that we often pay as mother's helpers). It was the first time that we'd let him out 'alone'.
I don't want to live or raise my child in a world that is scary. I want him to grow up knowing that people are generally good, that he is generally safe, that he belongs here in his community. THIS might be my only true desire for my child.
I grew up riding the city bus home from elementary school by myself, getting a hot dog at the transfer station, and then walking home from the final bus stop. Bad things happened to kids then too, but maybe it was different when we didn't watch those bad things play out hour by hour on social media.
I just read a facebook post about a fellow mom who was on the train with a few young girls. She helped them figure out their train stop and then got off the train to help them find the right street to proceed home on. It was this important reminder for me that there is good all around us. That the 'good' will always outweighs the 'bad'. I've been feeling like I needed to get all of these thoughts out and her post really helped frame my thoughts.
It wasn't 5 minutes before we could see my son with his friends through our back window. My husband and I just stood there watching him play, feeling all of the feelings that come with watching your child grow up before your very eyes. It feels like one of those moments that will be forever etched in my mind - standing huddled at the window watching intently as his head bobbed around and his laugh echoed off the neighboring houses. We decided it was time for me to walk over and bring him home. As I walked down the street he and his friends came skipping towards our house.
Kiss you babies tonight. And please remember that WE are the good in this world. Keep a loving and helpful eye on all of the other precious babies you encounter on your path.
1 comment :
I don't know the details of this little girl's death, but I'm sorry that a child in your community has been taken. It's an unfathomable tragedy when children die.
And it sure shakes our confidence in a safe, benevolent world. But I'm glad you are working to resist the temptation to close down your heart to fear. Your little fox is better served by being given some autonomy at this point, and you are wise enough to know that.
sending hugs to you, my friend
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