HBear arrived on Monday. Her older brother drove her down, helped her unpack the car, and delivered the notarized documents from her parents giving us legal custody. Yep, we are officially responsible for the welfare and upbringing of a beautiful 17 year old girl.
For all the drama and chaos that has surrounded her, she really is a good kid.
ML and I had outlined a list of weekly expectations and responsibilities that she will need to meet in order to get a weekly allowance. We are paying her $5 /day to be at school, another $10 for meeting a set of basic expectations of respect, honesty, communication, and personal responsibility, and then she can earn another $10 for doing certain chores. Part of the agreement is that she has to save half of everything she earns towards a car. I'm trying to remember, but $23 seems like it would have been plenty of spending money for the week when I was 17.
We took her to our local high school to get enrolled on Wednesday, but she is so far behind in her credits that they referred us to the continuation high school. Not to be judgmental, but we were really hoping to get her into the regular high school so that she'd have a better chance at meeting the "right" kinds of friends.
She was distraught to learn that the continuation high school runs a full day program. Apparently last year she only had to be at school for 3 hours each day, and had the rest of the day to hang out with friends. When we talked to her mom and previous school counselor about this, they argued that she just couldn't handle a whole day at school and tried to tell us that she'd never agree to it. Ummm. Ohh-kay...
As shocking as it might sound, she seems to be responding well, so far, to the expectations and structure that ML and I have laid out. Granted its only been 5 days, but she has been getting herself up in the morning, catching the bus to school, attending all day, eating dinner with us, and spending an hour each night doing 'homework' of some sort. She's been testing the rules, to see how flexible they might be, but in a very respectful way.
I have to say that I am falling in love with ML all over agin watching him interact with this child. Seeing him rise to this challenge with such patience and commitment really makes me melt. Its like I have a newfound sense of respect and appreciation for him, seeing most incredible qualities in him shine bright.
So far so good. I think that we've got a lot of the right pieces in place to do this right, but holy moly. Jumping straight into parenting a 17 year old... its definitely giving me a lot to think about as we prepare for the arrival of our own little one.
8 comments :
HBear is so lucky to have you and hubby for cousins. What a gift for this precious young lady. It was delightful to see how both of you treat her (at dinner last night); with respect yet appropriate boundaries. My heart overflows with love and appreciation and pride for both of you. gma2b xo
I'm glad the first week has been going well. What an incredible challenge. When a teenager is your own, you've grown with them from an infant through toddlerhood, through school age... you were just thrown a 17 year old!
I hope it continues to go as well as it has been!
Glad things are off to a good start! Hopefully it continues for you. You two are amazing to welcome her in - hopefully she realizes that!
wow!! This is what family should be!! I hope everything goes as smooth as as the first week. This is great practice:)
Sounds like you two have set up fair expectations and are following through with consequences. She's very fortunate to have you in her lives. I've always found when you raise the bar, with the proper supports in place, kids will rise to the occasion.
Sounds like a great challenge in a good way. Best of luck!
I didn't get an allowance...I worked. So I would say that is beyond fair! I am glad it seems to be going well. I hope things stay that way :-) HUGS!
Sounds like things got off to a good start, hope they are still going well.
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