New Chapter

Today is the beginning of a new chapter of our journey. 

Until now we have not had one single opportunity to actually get pregnant. We've spent 20% of our income and 18 months of our life seeing doctors and getting tests and trying experimental hormone treatment, but not once did we have a real chance to get pregnant. So much time spent waiting, receiving bad news at every turn, the carrot of pregnancy moved just a little farther out of our reach every time.

After my dreams were shattered with the initial Azoospermia diagnosis, it took me a long time to see beyond the day to day struggle and envision that there is in fact a Someday family waiting for us at the end of this journey. I was so caught up with worry and anticipation of the next test, the next dr appt, the next decision facing us. It was so hard to put the details in perspective and see that they were all little steps that got us closer to our dreams. Refocusing on that dream made it so much easier to navigate the path. But it also took away any sense that my Someday was anytime soon. Until today.

Today is the first day 

of the first cycle 

where we will have a chance to get pregnant. 

We met with the new RE this morning, the local one. He reviewed everything and gave us the green light to do a donor IUI cycle this month, starting with this cycle!

(This is what I wanted, but on some level I was really expecting that there would be some reason why we had to wait again.)

We got lunch. We came home. We chose a donor. We sent our new account paperwork to the cryobank.     My cycle started this afternoon, just as expected. I called and made a Friday appointment for my initial ultrasound and meds.

It is happening. It really is. I almost can't believe it.